we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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