she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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