Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
