haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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