It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
