I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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