I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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