dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
