Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
