Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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