Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
