You smell like a Billy Joel song
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This house was built for laser tag.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
