With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
