we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
