just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
