everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
