I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
