Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
