i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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