i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
