I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
