Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
