I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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