Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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