If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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