The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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