Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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