The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
