One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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