I must be too annoying 4 u.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
