I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
