Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
