There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
