My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
