If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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