The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
