I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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