I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
