i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
