I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize