If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
