i think my mom watched the whole time
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
