You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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