The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
