This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
