I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
