when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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