Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
