Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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