Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
