The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think my nap took me to another dimension
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
