I puked a lego.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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