So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize