at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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