I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This house was built for laser tag.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
