You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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