I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
