I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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