Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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