They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How does one acquire holy water?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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