Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
