I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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