Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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