the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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