i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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