the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
