its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
