He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
